I know, I know… I am horrendously late with this. I had intended to have this final post up almost a year ago… I know.
But this has been a crazy year, with health problems and surgeries and I barely got the final book finished and published. But I am back now and trying to get the blog back up and running and keep up to date with the shorts.
Let me know what you think and who you want to hear about, Etan’s next and I am currently working on his collection of short stories now.
And I always appreciate a share if you enjoy the story.
As always, I hope you enjoy the below story, it is the conclusion of five scenes written from Kowan’s perspective.
Gelder Shorts- Kowan’s Anger Part Five
I lean against the passageway, my thoughts flying through my head with the ferocity of a burning star. I have just spoken to the cursed female I swore to never forgive. For decades I have hated her. Despised her. I wished that I had never laid eyes on her.
How that name has pained me, the memories those two syllables can evoke never before failed to send me into a rage. I have avoided her for so long, I never stopped to think about how I might react to seeing her again.
My reaction to her was… unexpected. My anger towards her was tempered, more of a dull roar than a raging inferno. She is to be sent on a mission, a terrible mission. With no way to communicate with us, and we are powerless to help her in any way.
If anything was to go wrong…
With my movement’s jerky, I pull away from the golden wall. Frustration makes my footsteps clipped and noisy in the unoccupied corridor. I can hear the sounds of each footfall as it drops down heavily echoing off the walls around me.
There is so much room for error, the probability of a disaster occurring on Sylva’s mission is too high to even think about. She is heading headfirst into danger like she always does. Her arrogance will be her downfall.
This should make me happy if what I have told myself about her is true. But it is not, I am wracked with fear. Since she refused to join with me in a heart bond, I have vehemently sworn of my revulsion for her. Barely being able to trust any female. Hoping to be free of her, so full of rage that I ever loved her.
But our queen has helped to show me that love is not so black and white. And you can love someone without desiring to bond with them. I have genuine affection for Eleanor, and her me. I would call it love, but not the kind that I suspect should be present among mates.
I can see what Danion and Eleanor have, the passion, the arguments, the raw lust. Sylva and I never had that. Perhaps she was justified in refusing me. Perhaps our affection was, in fact, real, just not deep enough to form a bond.
Try as I might, I cannot hold onto my anger any longer. The pain of the past is being healed by time and experience, and it is long past due for me to put this behind me. When Sylva, returns I will make a point to speak with her and clear the air as they say.
I throwback another shot of starskie and curse the cosmos. Sylva is missing, along with her team. I knew this fiefing mission was too dangerous.
A violent shattering fills the room.
I stare at the mess of broken glass and amber liquid absently. I don’t even recall throwing the bottle, but the evidence is before me.
“Kowan?” I ignore the voice behind me, I am in no mood to talk.
But when has that ever stopped our self-appointed therapist?
“Kowan, I know you are hurting. But, all is not lost. Sylva is a competent warrior, her being late does not mean that she is gone.” Etan’s calm words do little to calm the storm raging inside.
“I should have stopped her,” I say in a cold voice that sounds so foreign even I don’t recognize it. I turn my eyes to Etan. “Do you hear me? I should have stopped her. Her death is on my hands. I knew she was rushing off without the proper precautions.” I cut myself off, so full of disgust with myself I can’t continue.
Etan stays silent, allowing me to process my own emotions. While I would be loath to ever admit this to him I am glad he is here. His presence is a welcome buffer between me and the emptiness I feel swirling around me.
“I forgave her, you know? This is my penance I suppose, for all those wasted years. We should have been friends, and yet I made us enemies. Just as I realize she was right all those long years ago, she is taken from me. She is most likely being tortured right now by those monsters, and there isn’t a thing I can do about it.” I stare at Etan, noticing the pinched skin around his eyes. He too fears the worst but is trying to remain strong for me.
“Not a deim thing. Isn’t that irony?” I ask him with a humorless chuckle. “I accept, finally, that she was right to say what we had was never love. Not in the real sense, anyways. I was looking forward to mending fences and perhaps even opening myself up to searching for my own mate. Helping her in her search for one. If you can believe that. I finally shed my anger, and now it is replaced with grief.”
My words taper off. I grit my teeth, turn my back to Etan.
“Why is the universe so fiefing cruel, Etan? They curse us to live forever to protect life, and at every turn, they punish us for it.” My words are bitter, but then again so am I. “Never again. Never again will I allow these monsters to take another person from us. We will win this war.”
I begin to head to the door.
“Where are you going?” Etan asks me, apprehension in his voice.
“To find our king, we have hunting to do.”